My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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