Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
