rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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