umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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