Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
