That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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