This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
