you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
