meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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