Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
