how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
