Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
