I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
