apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
