he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
