she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
