I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
