i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
