masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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