So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
