Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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