my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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