when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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