oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
