I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
