Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
