sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
