she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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