we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
