We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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