I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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