Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize