Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
