im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I supernannyed him into submission
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
