We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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