and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
