I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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