He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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