I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
