I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
