Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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