we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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