She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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