I'm so fucking centered right now
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize