You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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