My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
