It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
