how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
