Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
