is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
