im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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