It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
