I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
