and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there was a trapeze. enough said
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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