so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
