Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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