Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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