next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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