Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I want to fling myself into the sun
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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