Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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