do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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