yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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