Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
